A Hint for Religion Advertisers

The advertising agencies for religious organizations have not requested my opinion. That is good reason to make my pitch here where it will be neglected by the powers that be.

Consider emulating the pharmaceutical companies who accompany their advertisements with several pages of tiny print explaining all the terrible things that may well accompany the use of their products. Evidently this works since those companies are real money makers and the newspapers and journal that publish their ads are doing okay as well.

Picture this: Here is a glitsy but proper half page ad for a Christian organization. ( I can say what follows because I am a card carrying Christian.) On the next page is a full page of small print saying the following but in utter detail and lawyerese type sentences.

"Be advised that use of the information in the ad on the preceding page is likely to lead to personal anxiety, family disorders and possible homelessness. Use of the information should be under the supervision of a well trained professional clergy person or certified lay consultant in religious matters. Results of using the information does not guarantee that advertised results will take place in a timely manner or ever.

"Death may occur if the information is coupled with certain personality disorders or if the information is used while also consuming drugs, alcohol or tea. Social situation are especially dangerous in that by standers may feel led to apply corrective protocols. Home owners or liability insurance may not apply to cases under this circumstance.

"This is a special caution to persons given to enjoying dangerous activities while under the influence of the aforementioned information. The pleasurable sensations are temporary. Prolonged treatment may be prescribed.

"This information is provided by the Department of Religiotropic Treatments - an authorized arm of the ______ Church."

My guess is that people would be fascinated to check out any religious organization that appeared to be interesting and adventurous, even if they were at risk of injury or death. Well, it is just an idea. I am not worried about action on this sure fire winner of a plan. The Heirarchy would no doubt become nervous, preferring boredom to risk.